If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
