It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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