Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Couch. On fire.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
How naked do you want me to be?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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