I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
