Screwed.edu
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
