ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
