I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
