I just pynch a tree in the face
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize