My nipple is on Facebook.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Randomize
