Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
