I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
