you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
