he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
