Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
