atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
