she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
