There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
