remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Still dying that you shit outside
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
