No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
jump out the window naked night went bad
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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