Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I supernannyed him into submission
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
