okay pat passed out under dana's car
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
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