I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
you would pick up someone in the library
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
