Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
