Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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