Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
