dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize