it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
