Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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