Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
