can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
