He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
