He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize