My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Mom said you looked used
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
