sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
