I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
