I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
