just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
