Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
