she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
