Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
