You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
