omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
