I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
