Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
