yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
