3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
he thought i was a dude.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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