I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize