And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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