you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
