Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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