don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
