covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
