this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Randomize
