I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
