I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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