Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
