your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
