I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
