I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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