life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
My cat gives me a boner
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
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