i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
