There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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