By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
