i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
