We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
