Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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