I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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