Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
