I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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