If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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