soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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