there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I need to sanitize my soul.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize