i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
i believe in u and ur pee
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
