So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
