i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
