did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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