The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
