I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize