Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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