So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
