We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
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