My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
