I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
well you can't waste a boner
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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