wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
