AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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