fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
