): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
