you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
