i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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