Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
