so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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