we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I think I just sharted jello shots
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