Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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