She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
