nut hugger
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I deserve this hangover.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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