Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
