I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
we're so committed to being not committed
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize