Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
