I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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