We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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