Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
