Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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