Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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