Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
