im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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