Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize