My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
