3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
