when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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