My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
