who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize