He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
God, I missed his penis.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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