Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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