Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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