How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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