I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
