I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
