My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
