I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
