I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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