Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
How does it feel to date your dad?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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