dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
