I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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