She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I wear drunk well.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
